Cyborg Essay

Technology permeates existence; mine, anyway. All my life I have grown up around what I would consider to be technology. My dad lived on the cutting edge of the evolving computer technologies and we—my siblings and myself—were drawn into the wake of the technological storm. It started out with ham radio and turned into Atari, then Apple, Windows, and Linux. My dad was constantly reading Popular Mechanics, playing with any technology he could get his hands on, even making his own. I have always enjoyed puzzles, and to me, computers were just another puzzle to solve, so I followed in my father's footsteps to explore them. My dad’s interest also spurred me into further research, because it promised to be a bonding experience. Inevitably, we were pulled into this world of electronics.

When I was five, we didn't have a lot of money. We couldn't get fancy toys or clothes, but my dad had acquired an Atari computer from his brother. It was a ridiculously old piece of machinery, but it ran dos and had basic graphics (eight bit at best), so my dad programmed games for my brother and me. My brother got an old version of Frogger, where the goal was to get across the road without being squished. I got a counting game. Learning had always been intriguing and that game, and the ones that came after, facilitated that desire. Because of these things, I grew up on the computer. I remember one time we programmed a complex geometrical shape into the computer just because we could, and then we waited an entire day while the shape formed. It took another night to print. It was completely inane, and something we take entirely for granted now, but it was my idea of entertainment; eagerly waiting around the printer to see the next half inch before our parents sent us to bed. Technology was a tool and it was recreation, it allowed me to solve puzzles and my dad loved that we were interested in the technology, which only encouraged me further.

I can recall many instances of bonding with my dad over the radiating glow of a computer monitor. I started at a Lutheran elementary school in first grade and we joined the church as well. Almost immediately, my dad was drafted to set up the brand new MacIntosh computers. They gave him the keys to the church and we spent our weekend evenings, and sometimes late nights, running around the school while my dad tested, checked, installed. We'd go to the basement auditorium to play and bring our friends Adam and Nathan, whose dad was a teacher at the school, and who lived down the street. Adam was in Chuck's class, three years older than me, and Nathan was in my class. We bonded with them, running around the auditorium with rubber balls and floor scooters, and sometimes even going up to help my dad. We didn't know much, but we'd watch and try to do what we could.

All of these early experiences with technology led me to want to learn about computers and other technology. I played video games with my brothers, and then computer games. We favored Descent: Freespace and Star Craft. My older brother taught my younger brother and me how to play Star Craft and we played together on our network (networked by my dad). Sometimes we'd have friends bring over their computers and add them in. Adam and Nathan had moved away a few years before, but they still came to visit us every once in a while and we'd play Star Craft. On one of these visits Adam brought a story he'd been writing for me to read, because he knew I was an avid reader. It was fan fiction, a story based on the situations represented in Star Craft. Though it had occurred to me to attempt to write something based on the plot and characters of another story (I had, in fifth grade, written a story directly inspired by Lethal Weapon 3), I hadn't done it in a long time. Reading his story reminded me of the previous forays into writing. It was if I had reopened a box long closed. Adam's story was dynamic and intriguing. I longed to try my hand at it, so I did. I wrote abysmal stories trying to reconcile an optimistic eleven year old world view with a desolate world at war.

At about this same time, I had began to watch anime—Japanese cartoons—that were aired on TV at odd times like six in the morning. The idea of writing stayed in my mind, and after getting on the Internet to search for more information on the series Sailor Moon, I was hooked. I discovered that this show was also aired in the afternoon, along with several other shows along those same lines. I was immediately drawn into this subculture of Japanese animation and with my fascination came that old urge to write. I had always had stories in my head, but the fantastical worlds portrayed in these shows pushed my imagination past anything I had ever considered. I logged onto the Internet and started to research. I found vast archives of fan fiction and after reading them and not liking the types of stories I was finding, I decided to write my own. I let my friends read my stories via e-mail and started up an account on a fan fiction website so I could post them there. Ever since I started writing, I had been afraid to show my family and friends what I had written. What if they thought it was stupid or bad? The Internet provided me with a somewhat anonymous way to get input. My writing was terrible, but what fourteen year old's isn't? I grew in this online community, taking advice from more experienced writers, writing and revising, and reading more and more. Even though Adam and I lost touch when he joined the army, I found new people to give me input, and thrived.

Within this expansive network of fans and fiction I found a story called Dominion: Reprise. It was based on the show Dragon Ball Z, which follows a boy on a mystical adventure for magical orbs that, when properly gathered and incanted upon, summon a dragon that grants wishes. The series continues for hundreds of episodes as the boy grows up and must battle more and more sinister villains. This story takes place within this universe, and not only this, but different dimensions and times. It was revolutionary and explosive and I longed to create such an intricate universe of my own. I discovered a highly exclusive webring for good fan fiction authors. Here was a group of people who were talented and devoted to their craft. I was eager to become as amazing as them, so I tried to join. Needless to say, I was declined. I was upset at first, but these talented authors gave me input on how to improve and one, a college student named Ruthanne, began reading my blog and talking with me in order to help me further. I had a new goal: to be accepted to the ring. Under Ruthanne's instruction and guidance, I began to practice different writing techniques. I worked on voice and style, on tense and description, and soon became respected in my own right in these networks. I began to define myself by the roles I played in this network of people. I started my own website and posted my stories there. I gained a small following of fans and friends that loved to read and critique my stories, and soon fan fiction evolved into the desire to write original fiction.

Ruthanne and others encouraged me to try a contest called NaNoWriMo, short for National Novel Writing Month, in which participants write 50,000 or more words within the month of November. At the end of the month the contestants validate their story to check word count and anybody who hits the goal wins. I agreed and signed up and began to draft a story. This was my senior year of high school. I hit the word goal, but the story was disorganized and I had no idea where to go with my first real attempt at a novel, so I pushed it aside and returned to fan fiction. Fan fiction held a safety that original fiction didn't. The world was constructed for me, and although I had taken to twisting my fan fiction worlds to turn them into something my own, the originals were still a little out of my grasp. I didn't feel prepared for it. At around this point I got an idea for a trilogy of stories featuring an odd pairing and a lot of interesting lore about an existing world and plunged into that. I got a great response from it. This story was fan fiction, but it was more original than anything I had ever run across, or even written myself. I had taken existing characters and worlds and made something almost entirely original. When the next year rolled around, my freshmen year at Valpo, I tried my hand at NaNoWriMo again. I felt far more prepared this time. I hit the goal by the end of the month. By the end of December I had finished the novel at about 90,000 words. I started an online journal and let my friends read the novel. The response was great. I continued my work on the fan fiction trilogy side by side with original fiction.

Fan fiction and original fiction were not mutually exclusive for me. I drew a lot of inspiration from my experiences with fan fiction. The elaborate worlds I had worked within taught me how to work within the confines of an environment and working with other people's characters helped me learn what makes a character realistic. My original fiction was an extension of the fan fiction. They contained the same sorts of magical environments and intriguing characters, but with new plots and rules to the world, with new characters of my own creation. Original fiction was, in a way, a remediation of fan fiction.

Thinking back on these experiences, it is clear how my background in technology led to my use of another technology. The art of writing is, and became to me in a very real way, a technology. As I grew in a network of people, I grew as a writer. My styles, my language, even my voice, evolved in much the same way that a computer moved from Atari to Apple to PC. And as I was growing as a writer, I was also growing as a person. My growth in technology inspired my growth as a writer and my growth as a writer inspired me to look for new technologies and ways of inserting myself into the web of technology. I even got back in contact with Adam thanks to these networks, and went from a little kid playing a video game to a woman writing this very essay, evolving within vast networks of people and technology.